It can be incredibly frustrating when your toddler refuses to stay in bed, impacting their sleep and yours. Toddlers naturally test boundaries, and bedtime is a common battleground. Understanding why your toddler struggles to stay in bed is the first step in addressing the issue. Common reasons include separation anxiety, fear of missing out (FOMO) and not having a consistent bedtime routine.
My wife and I have read 100 articles about this and we still can’t seem to figure it out. It’s super frustrating to end so many nights negatively with our daughter Izzy. We tried for probably 2-3 weeks to be as compassionate as possible. We went the full-on nice route and it did NOT work. She didn’t get worse but she definitely takes advantage.
I think one of the biggest problems is that she isn’t a very good eater. She often only nibbles at dinner and then wants to eat after we’ve gone through her bedtime routine. This is an entirely separate argument, because we try to hold firm on not allowing her to eat after we brush her teeth for bed.
Bedtime used to be a really nice, relaxing process. She was always super cute and everyone enjoyed it. Now, it’s like “F***, here we go again!”
With all of that said, I think we are improving and she’s getting easier to put down for sure. She may come out of the room one time after we put her down initially. Throughout the night, it’s more hit or miss. She has been sleeping through many nights, but there’s also nights where she’ll come get us 2-3 times.
Most times she isn’t even crying. She just wants us to pick her up and take her back to bed. It’s pretty annoying (LOL).
I tried to consolidate a bunch of the tips that we have read over the last couple of months. Here are 3 that I think have actually made a difference.
Top 3 Tips to Keep Your Toddler in Bed
- Establish a Consistent Bedtime Routine
- Why It Works: Toddlers thrive on predictability. A consistent bedtime routine helps signal to your child that it’s time to wind down and prepare for sleep. We noticed she got a lot worse when my wife’s parents were in town. In addition to the extra excitement, we kind of let them play with her as much as they want as they live in another state. This definitely threw off bedtime.
- How to Do It: Start with calming activities like a warm bath (not my favorite), reading a book or singing lullabies. Ensure the routine is the same every night to create a sense of security and expectation.
- Create a Calming Sleep Environment
- Why It Works: A comfortable and distraction-free environment can help your toddler feel more secure and ready for sleep. We noticed she actually slept worse when we left her room a mess. She seemed to stay in bed more if we picked up her toys before bed every night.
- How to Do It: Keep the room cool, dark, and quiet. Use blackout curtains, a white noise machine, and remove toys or electronics that might tempt your toddler to stay awake.
- Implement the Silent Return to Bed Technique
- Why It Works: This method minimizes interaction and excitement, reducing the incentive for your toddler to leave their bed repeatedly. I read this somewhere (sorry whoever wrote it). My wife typically talks a lot more than I do. This is great sometimes, but in the middle of the night, it seemed to amp Izzy up. We both started doing this, and it seemed to help Izzy realize there’s not a lot of benefit to coming out of bed unless she actually needed something (scared, bathroom, etc).
- How to Do It: When your toddler gets out of bed, calmly and quietly return them to bed without engaging in conversation or showing frustration. Repeat this as many times as necessary until they understand that getting out of bed won’t result in extra attention or activities.
Additional Strategies
- Use a Wake-Up Clock: These clocks change color to signal when it’s okay to get out of bed. This helps toddlers who don’t yet understand time to learn when it’s acceptable to wake up. – We tried this. I think it has potential, but after a week or so, she just started ignoring it (LOL).
- Provide Comfort Items: Introducing a lovey or a special blanket can help your toddler feel secure and less anxious about being alone at night. – We have tried a dozen different stuffed animals, blankets, etc. It does help, but it also doesn’t sometimes.
- Adjust Bedtime as Needed: Ensure your toddler is neither overtired nor undertired by adjusting their bedtime. Signs of overtiredness include frequent meltdowns and increased clinginess. Izzy took a big jump from 7:30ish bedtime to 8:30ish bedtime seemingly overnight. It also coincided with the time change (EST). As the days have gotten longer, she has stayed awake a lot longer. I’m interested to see if this reverts at all when winter returns.
Conclusion: What To Do If my Toddler Won’t Stay in Bed
Consistency and patience are key when helping your toddler learn to stay in bed. By establishing a reliable bedtime routine, creating a calming sleep environment, and using techniques like the silent return to bed, you can significantly improve your toddler’s bedtime behavior and ensure a better night’s sleep for the whole family.
It’s been a super frustrating process for us, but you’ll figure it out with time. I have always been bedtime parent due to my wife’s schedule, so ending the night with a struggle has been tough. I do miss the nicer nights of rocking her to sleep when she was younger. Sadly, I know she is getting bigger now, hopefully we return to something similar soon!